This one is from the Loving G series I did in 2000. This series was in response to just a terrible breakup – and that sort of explains the subject matter of this, with the, How can I heal myself? title written on it.
I tend to not really look at this group much, even on the website. As far as the paintings themselves go, I’m a little bit uncertain where the paintings are, they might be in my brother’s attic – I think that… well, I’m not certain. But, uh, but I tend to not look at them. I tend to not think that they’re especially good, but I really like this painting. I think that this is a pretty nice painting. I’m glad to be reminded of it. It’s, um, it’s better than I would have given credit to this series for being, I’ve really kind of put it out of my mind and haven’t thought about these for quite a while.
This is the first series that I did at the studio in Cincinnati. And that part of it was very good. The working of these paintings, the paintings, you know, came more or less after the relationship. And so I – and I guess it’s funny because when you think about, you know, this painting is entitled, How Can I Heal Myself? And of course, the painting itself, I’m sure, comes from a drawing (see below), because there are a lot of drawings from that group. And so I’m sure that I had done a lot of drawings and then selected the drawings and made paintings from those. And, of course, yeah, that is how one can heal themselves from this. I mean, there are lots of ways to heal a broken heart, but painting is not a bad one. So that’s what I’m doing here. I’m painting myself, painting my way out of a heartbreak.
Note: This is a bit hard to follow in the transcript form, the audio version is probably a little more communicative. The gist of it though is that, this painting probably came from a drawing, done at a time when I was in the midst of the pain of the heartbreak, but by the time I was painting this, I would’ve been well on my way to recovery, and was completing the healing process through the act of painting about it. I healed up just fine, and of course this all happened more than a quarter century ago. And, while I really think I did heal just fine, I’m rarely inclined (as mentioned above) to revisit these paintings, and I must admit that this breakup is probably responsible for my having kept pretty much single ever since – so there’s that.
I looked around and found a couple preliminary drawings related to this one. Here they are:
It’s a little interesting that both of the preliminary drawings included “G” looking at me as I suffered there, but by the time I made the painting, she was literally out of the picture. I don’t think that was consciously intentional at the time, but looking at them now, it’s definitely noticeable:) Also, if I’m going to give in and analyze my own painting – because, why not? it’s a pretty distant memory at this point – I notice that in both of the drawings, I’m holding on to my heart, but in the painting, I’m letting it go. So there’s that.